Richard Williams: the Prologue

I was about to post something on my own animation and noticed that Richard Williams is promoting the beginning of his private animated epic that I assume remains inspired by the story of Lysistrata. The Premiere was a few days’ ago in the US at the Telluride festival and is due soon at a cinema in LA to qualify for Oscar nomination.

Here is the link:

and a copy of the Poster:

I understand that the Prologue shows an encounter between a Spartan and an Athenian and is seen through the eyes of a small girl. More than that, I do not know, but it is exciting. The publicity arouses discussion about the THIEF and inevitably there are comments, much overplayed in PERSISTENCE OF VISION about it never being finished, which is unfair. The reason it was never finished is that Warners lost confidence. Williams believes this is because they were screened a version of the film with one vital reel missing, so the story made little sense to them and after that, it only took a bit of nudging. Equally, we know that there were many hangers-on who wanted to take the film in different directions, and wanted a more conventional Disney-approach with songs (which of course they got when the film was recut as “Arabian Knight”.) Also, it is true that Williams was involved in a couple of projects (like RAGGEDY ANN) that ran into trouble, but my view is that he clung on while others would have abandoned ship long before. I think Williams has tenacity and he certainly has talent and technique.

Meanwhile, here are links to previous posts on Richard Williams from animate-tim:

Richard Williams rightly deserves all the adulation he gets from animators. Sadly, the general public is less aware of his significance, though most have seen and admired his work in “Roger Rabbit” and all of us have seen the effect he had on the industry. Anyway, I am always amazed by Williams’ generosity. It was clear when he was presenting his cut of “the Thief” a few months’ back.

When I was a schoolboy, and later when I was at university, he gave up his time, had me visit the studio and talked for hours to me about the process of animation. On that second visit, he took me to a restaurant where I remember eating a plate of smoked salmon and otherwise hanging on his every word, none of which I have forgotten. “I think in colour” was the most amazing statement. I envy that. I think in lines, not colour at all, and I think I struggle with colour. I wrote an article based on what he said which was printed in an oxford magazine.

Afterwards, I had time to kill before getting a bus back to Oxford and I went to see a show called “Another Country”. Within a year, I was doing front covers for Amber Lane Press which printed the text of the play. (Here are some of them together with the programmes for Another Country)

I vividly remember Rupert Everett and Kenneth Branagh, and later went back to see their understudies, Daniel Day Lewis and Colin Firth. Day Lewis was the godson of a lady who lived in my house and sat in my room with the poodle chatting about the past. I lived in a converted conservatory: there was a swimming pool at the bottom of the garden.

It had only been a year or so since Mrs Thatcher had announced the identity of Anthony Blunt in the Commons as one of the Cambridge Spy ring. What had not been emphasised I suppose was the fact that most of the spys were gay and had been to the better Public schools. “Another Country” picked up these themes, of treason, homosexuality and espionage in the mid 1930s. The play began in Greenwich and transferred after stunning reviews there to a 19-month run at the Queens in the West End, almost unheard of for a straight play both then and now. Years later, I directed my own production of “Another Country” and Sam Buntrock, now an established theatre director in his own right, played Judd.

All the screams on the page above are copies of Richard Williams’ sensational “Christmas Carol” which I was watching while I was without a computer for the last few days: I have to draw a screaming face for a new student film, “Wasteword” directed by Andrea Niada. As ever, Williams has already done it, and done it better than I could ever imagine doing. I have been sent lots of Roger Bacon paintings as reference.

Ah, here is a link to a youtube upload of Errol le Cain’s film “the sailor and the devil” Simply tremendous to see it after all these years. I was amazed to find Errol le Cain was working for Williams: two of my heroes in the same place. More on Errol le Cain later I think….

Nasruddin was the figure in the Richard Williams film that I discovered in the early 70s. The film changed completely when it became the “Thief and the Cobbler” and the Nasruddin character disappeared. There are various stories about why this happened. Last Sunday Williams simply said that the original story and the original character did not work. Nasruddin, however, is still visible in a crowd scene riding on his donkey (which he ridesbackwards)… here are some drawings of statues in Turkey- one faintly comic and the other more respectful. He was a real character but he used humour and his stories are laced with unexpected incident and comment. however, Nasruddin turns up in Turkish legend as Nasreddin Hoja and then again in Albanian as Nastrudin Hoxha. I don’t know whether it is more appropriate to see Nasrudin as Turkish or Iranian: the oldest manuscript from 1571 suggests he was Turkish or active in Turkey. When we made the first version of “A torture Cartoon”, it made sense to add a version of Nasruddin because Necati is Turkish

and then later when we did “how to be Boss” we did a new design and told one of the many Nasruddin stories. You can find the sequence at about 2.39: “Have you told your wife who is boss in your own house? Don’t worry. She knows!”

There is a Pappas illustrated edition of stories which I would love to see. Otherwise, the best editions are those illustrated by Williams himself and the spectacular Errol le Cain

The Exploits of the Incomparable Mulla Nasreddin, by Idries Shah, illustrated by Richard Williams

The Subtleties of the Inimitable Mulla Nasreddin, by Idries Shah, illustrated by Richard Williams.

The Pleasantries of the Incredible Mulla Nasreddin, by Idries Shah, illustrated by Richard Williams and Errol Le Cain

Here is a link to the “what is bread?” section in what is left of the Williams film with Kenneth Williams’ voice:

It is simply delightful to listen to Kenneth Williams, and Richard Williams version of Nasruddin is so elegant. The Williams character should be spelt “Nasrudin” of course. Apologies.

Richard Williams

In 1972 I wrote to Richard Williams and was invited to visit his studio. I think I also sent him some artwork. It would have been about this time that a kind lady was also trying to arrange an exhibition for me I learnt recently, so I imagine I was doing fairly well as a little 11 year old draughtsman and impressing more people than I realised. Certainly, it took years to get back to the dynamism and accuracy of those early days partly because I was consistently bullied by the art teacher at school. I was called names by this man, had my work ripped up by him, and was consistently slapped down with words like “slick” and “easy” which I understood then to be criticisms but which today I would accept as some sort of defiant badge of honour. Anyway, this is not meant to be a whine, but more an excuse to think about what I got out of this process. The most important thing is some sort of resilience and determination to keep going whatever happens – that is useful for any animator as Williams testifies. Also, I think this is the source of my interest in teaching- the subject matters not a bit as long as I think I can master it before the lessons begin incidentally, but the desire to ensure that no child is treated as I was is fundamental. Many children are talented. We,as adults, need to harvest or harness those talents.Talent is not really like a plant. It may survive but it certainly does not thrive or grow if you throw alot of shit at it!

I had seen Williams on a childrens’ tv programme called “Clapperboard” and he was shown drawing one of the brigands laughing. I loved the way that the character moved as he laughed. It was subtle and in close-up, but there was clear movement and character. The laugh was something he had recorded himself and I believe, now, that the animation was loosely based on one of the imps in Sleeping beauty. But there is no disguising the mastery. The hand movement on this sequence as the brigand laughs is exquisite and I have looked at it in some detail- Williams draws hands like no one else. This character is now one of many brigands in the second half of the “Thief”.

The sequence is marked by a change from pen and ink outlines to wax pencil outlines that were used also on “Christmas Carol”. At the studio, I was given one of these pencils and some cel and told to draw something which I did, but I was very nervous and I found it difficult. The waxy pencil is easily smudged and is only truly bonded with the cel when it is exposed to hot light under the camera. I should imagine though that the cameraman was forever cleaning the glass panel that holds the animation in place. I think I may have tried using some paint. I am not sure, but I got to use paint later on working for “Wicked Witch” in the late 1980s as they wound up work on “Roger Rabbit” and took on project after project that aped the animation/live action combo style, or simply tried to look computer-generated ( some of the Waterboard adverts that accompanied one of the waves of Thatcher privatisation, for instance which were all actually drawn in coloured pencils on cels that had been sprayed with a formula that made them sufficiently textured to accept the crayons. The same method was used in the Snowman, Father Christmas and the Beatrix Potter films at TVC)

My trip to 13 Soho Square was a day that must have changed my life or at least given it proper direction: in the evening, so excited was I that I vomited with gusto on the train and over my mother’s handbag. I knew then, maybe from some kind of Rorschach test, that I had a vocation to draw animated films. I remember meeting the great man on the stairway in front of what must have been one of his own oil paintings. I draw no parallel at all between my vomit and his painting though I have no real memory of the visual content of either. His picture all looked very dark and grand to me. Animators upstairs flipped scenes that I think I knew even then were from the projected film of “Nasruddin”- I am pretty sure that I saw the thief bouncing from one canopy to another. that was also in the finished print we saw on Sunday. I had seen pirate versions of this on youtube and the australian DVD where it seemed a bit repetitive. In the NFI theatre, with a crowded audience, it looked wonderful. This is broad slapstick and it always needs an audience to get the most out of it!

Later, I went back to the studio a few times and had a delightful dinner with Richard Williams in which he compared computer people to madmen trying to sell crutches to people who have no difficulty walking. “But my crutch is gold plated” he said they would say. “Why walk when you can hobble with a crutch?” This was the infancy of Computer animation and within less than 10 years I myself would be involved for a brief period in the production of computer games animation. But he is right: there can be no short-cuts and nothing replaces the raw knowledge of being able to draw exactly what you can imagine in your head.

I was particularly keen for Necati to see “the Thief” in the best possible way. I have some publicity material the studio gave me by which time the name had changed from “The thief who never gave up” to “Once”.

During the talk after the screening, when a few odd people, one of whom I am afraid I have drawn above, hogged the microphone and went on and on (and on!) about pirate versions of the thief that they had seen on the internet (no one mentioned Gilchrist by name- why not? though Dick Williams urged him to get on with his own work instead of obsessing about “the thief”), Williams talked a bit about his current project,apparently based on “Lysistrata” and called “If I live”. When we met for Dinner in ’82 or ’83, he had been talking about an adaptation of the Epic of “Gilgamesh”- a story about a babylonian Noah figure, and there is a creation account in “Gilgamesh” which lies behind the first creation story in the bible. It is more vivid and much more fun, certainly worthy of animation as indeed is Aristophanes’ “Lysistrata”. I will dig out my own animated versions of Aubrey Beardsley and maybe the (unpublished and scurrilous) comics based on Greek texts and post them on this new blog in time but I suspect Williams is doing his own thing with the Greek comedy and has moved some distance away from Beardsley. I moved from Beardsley too: it simply took up so much time! I would love to know what happened to Gilgamesh and what Williams’ “Gilgamesh” would have looked like and also I would like to know what role the laughing camel must have had in “Nasruddin”. There was alot of publicity about the camel but he makes a very brief appearance in “The thief”. Had the hogs stopped talking evasively about Gilchrist, then maybe I could have asked about Gilgamesh or the Camel. Now, we may never know!! I will write more on this subject another time. In the meantime, here are some sketches made on Sunday afternoon during and after the screening.

Illustrated history of the Music hall

Here is a link to the first part of my talk on the history of the Music hall.

and here is a link to Julie Andrews singing the National Anthem for the King at the Palladium:

Here incidentally is a recording of Dame Julie at 12 singing, at the height of her “Educating Archie” days – simply spectacular

and here are some of the illustrations from the film:

Here’s a scene from the Drury Lane production of “Oliver!” which sums up everything about the Music Hall, I suppose.

Boris and the taxi-sting

Last week, I took a black cab from Baker street to Cornwall Terrace. We went round Regents park, wasting time and money while the actual place I needed was barely 3 minutes walk away. I did not know. I had left my A-Z at home and I had been hoodwinked.

boris

So I have some sympathy for Boris Johnson’s outburst yesterday.

Boris claims that his irritation with a London cabbie was “a gentle attempt at a return service” or rather ”getting the ball back over the net.” Wimbledon metaphors at the start of the season.

If you check the footage that has leaked on to the internet, it is clear that the Mayor of London was having the last word as the cabbie drove away and quite frankly, was unlikely to have been heard. We also do not have the beginning of the exchange. The cabbie himself, so far unnamed, had leant out of the window to castigate Johnson for not standing up to the competing taxi firm UBER – He was making a hand-gesture, but it is too dark to be sure exactly what that gesture was. “You’re one of them, mate,” says the cabbie and then drives off as Johnson vents, “why don’t you fuck off and die (twice) and not in that order”. Johnson then appears to chuckle.

It is the final moments that are both disquieting and disarming in equal measure.

Quite apart from anything else, I wonder why someone was able to film the incident in the first place- or was this a set -up?

While a Boris rant is not an edifying spectacle, it is of a very different order to the angry exchange outside the gates of Number 10 by chief whip Andrew Mitchell, and far, far different to the David Mellor thing a year ago, which was just rank pomposity from a man well-past his prime! However, the inference of “Go and die” remains distasteful, whether meant as a humorous rebuke or not. The final words, “and in that order” make absolutely no sense and suggest that the mayor was fumbling to seize some superior wit, which, for once, escaped. It was after midnight and he was probably tired. This is not Oscar Wilde and not one of Johnson’s better days.

UBER taxi app, a car service accessible to the smart-phone generation, is criticized for not being properly regulated, whose drivers are often uninsured while it is competing directly with both the minicab and black cabbie trade. Boris is, therefore, coming under attack for his perceived support of UBER. Steve MacNamara of the Licenced Taxi Rankers Association said, “TfL recommended last week that UBER’s licence be revoked and it wasn’t and people are starting to ask questions why.”

UBER began 3 years ago, and according to the company, now runs 15000 cars with over 1000 new drivers starting in London every month. At the same time, there has been a 20% drop in applications for the black cabbie licence. That means that less taxis in London are today equipped with or tested in “the knowledge”, the city-wide recognition of streets and sites (which should ensure any cabbie would have known immediately where Cornwall Terrace was). At the same time, the dramatic increase in taxis threatens to add to London’s congestion problems.

The cabbies have mounted a legal challenge to UBER, claiming the use of smartphones to log journeys was dodgy, but they are more concerned, I think, that Boris has not followed the example of Madrid and Paris and banned the company from operating in London altogether. Maybe what is needed now, though, is a challenge to UBER on its own terms- maybe the London cabbie service needs to set up its own smart app, and while it’s at it, maybe it needs to lower its prices and become more competitive.

And as for the swearing? Well, not really the stuff of a Prime Minister in waiting, is it? But Nixon did it (and regularly on tape) and made it to President- But Boris will bounce back. I know him from of old and have every confidence in him.

Atena Farghadini

Here are the earlier versions of the cartoon

This is in response to news that Atena Farghadini faces 12 years in prison for drawing a cartoon that depicts members of the Iranian parliament as various animals- birds, goats, cows, monkeys- it is fairly mild and goes against the spirit of moderation put out by the new Iranian President.

Rumour has it that he is unable to control his own judiciary.

Update: 14 06

When did resignation stop being honourable?

Biography

A few words of Biography: Alistair Carmichael is the liberal MP for Orkney and the Shetland Isles. He is my godmother’s MP. He is in fact, following the resignation of Nick Clegg, the effective leader of the parliamentary Liberal party. This makes the revelations this weekend that he was personally behind the leak that claimed Nicola Sturgeon had an interest in seeing David Cameron remain in power, particularly destructive.

This is what was reported:

The leak suggested the Scottish first minister wanted David Cameron to remain as prime minister.

Mr Carmichael said it was an error of judgement and he accepted “the details of the account are not correct”.

Ms Sturgeon said it had been a “blatant election dirty trick”.

The confidential memo was published by the Daily Telegraph on 3 April as the general election campaign got under way.

It was written by a civil servant in the Scotland Office and claimed Ms Sturgeon told the French Ambassador to the UK, Sylvie Bermann, that she would prefer Mr Cameron, the leader of the Conservatives, to remain as prime minister.

An apology needs to be more than a letter of admission

My own opinion is that this leak not only did damage to the political process but also seriously undermined our diplomatic image. Mr Carmichael might feel the political initiative was worth it, but the damage to our international reputation is appalling and for that damage alone, he should resign immediately. Reading further, we discover that the official inquiry identified Eaun Roddin as the actual leaker. It is perhaps, therefore, a small credit to Carmichael that he is standing up for a former colleague who, we learn leaked with “his permission” Carmichael says he was “aware of its content and agreed that my special adviser should make it public”.

Resignation?

I am not sure when politicians began to think it was better to cling on to power than to resign? Recently, I seem to have been drumming on about resignation. Indeed, I did it myself and thought that I might lead by example. People told me I was a fool, and indeed, rather than being treated with respect, I was savaged as was my family.

The new rules of political resignation were written by UKIP during the recent election.

Another agendum

I understand entirely why Mr Coburn felt it unnecessary to resign too, because as far as he was concerned, he was doing exactly what he had been told to do. He was at the beck and call of Mr Farage, and was not directly beholden to his electorate or to the people of Scotland. If Mr Farage did not feel he had crossed a red line, then he had not. It took some time for this message to filter down to me, but I understand it now. An offence is only a problem if the speaker intends it. It does not really matter what the victim thinks.

caught out

I also understand the terms that made the resignations of Robert Blay and Atkinson became essential: they had both been caught out by undercover reporters. It begs the question whether they might have continued in their respective political careers had they not been caught so publicly. But so be it. Resignation follows being caught out.

fake resignation

Finally, there is the third option, which is the resurrection card played very nicely by Mr Farage. This involves invoking a Christ-like ability to return to the same position voluntarily abandoned barely three days’ earlier. If it is possible to whip the NEC into voting for reinstatement, so much the better, but no doubt the barrage of supportive emails will also do the trick. Why, oh why, did Jeremy Clarkson’s resignation go so wrong, then, because he had probably gathered even more signatures of support than even Mr Farage?

Another example of the fake resignation is the fake ultimatum. In 2013, the Europe of Freedom and Democracy (EFD) got caught up in a series of extreme statements, among them support for the murderer Anders Breivik who Mario Borghezio said had “excellent ideas”. Farage wrote to Borghezio demanding he withdraw the statement or UKIP would pull out of the EFD. Borghezio did not withdraw his statement. Instead, he spoke at length in the parliament in a torrent of right-wing absurdity thus, “Long live the Whites of Europe, long live our identity, our ethnicity, our race… our blue sky, like the eyes of our women. Blue, in a people who want to stay white.” I don’t think he was being satirical. UKIP remained in the EFD and later Nikki Sinclair was later expelled from UKIp, she said, because she did not accept the “extreme views” of EFD. It is all slightly inconsistent, but there we are. We do not really know the rules of this game because new rules are being made on a daily basis.

In other words, as long as enough noise is made, we can accept any proposition.

Alistair Carmichael

Now we have a new situation. The victim was offended of course. But that does not matter in the new world order of UKIP resignation. Though here, the culprit has admitted the offence, and then – the implication goes that – had he not written to Nicola Sturgeon, he might have been exposed anyway in the sunday newspapers as the source of the “leak”. This strongly recommends resignation, but it is certainly not clear-cut on the new principles, and anyway, he is a Liberal and has just about survived the Scottish SNP political sweep.

Of course, he might tender his resignation as a Government minister – but that was done for him by the electorate. He might resign from the Liberal party- but I suspect they might feel obliged to reinstate him simply to keep up their numbers on the political life-support. Should he fall on his sword and cause a by-election, no doubt a waiting SNPer would snap up the seat.

Resignation under the new terms is about political survival. I think it should be about moral principles. Whether we “understand” it or not, the new UKIP approach to political resignation is a hollow mockery of morality.

But lest we forget- Salmond, Clegg, Miliband

The most honourable resignations in recent history have been those of Alex Salmond, Nick Clegg and Ed Miliband, gentlemen all. All three followed the old procedures. Already, one of these has returned from the political wastelands and claimed his rightful place with his former troops in Westminster, and more than that, he has the dignity to take a back seat.

In short, there is now a choice. Does the Liberal man- caught with his proverbial trousers round his ankles, want to champion the new rules laid out by UKIP or does he want to join the gentlemen and “do the right thing”? Whether SNP or Tory benefits from Alistair Carmichael’s resignation, so be it. The Rubicon was crossed when he penned his letter- let the dice fall where they may. It really is time to tie his colours to the mast. In other words, this goes beyond his own political survival. It is about liberalism. If his party allows him to fly the UKIP flag in this instance and adopt one of the variety of UKIP policies about resignation on offer (all tried and tested), then the liberal party can never again claim to be the party of decency and, whoever is elected new leader should seriously consider setting up talks about an alliance with Farage.

Clements and Church

Birmingham

Leamington Spa

Oxford

Solihull

Xavier Bettel and Gauthier Destenay

Firstly, congratulations to the Prime Minister of Luxembourg who was married yesterday. It is a few months later than planned, but well done anyway. I hope he and Gauthier will be very happy.

meanwhile…

Nikolopoulos, the Homophobic twitter

A little while ago, I ran a story about Nikolopoulos who criticised the Prime Minister in Greek on twitter which I am reprinting below.

What is he up to now

He is still in the Greek parliament (and actually part of the Governing coalition) and was voting a few days for educational reform. His basic point here, if I understand correctly, is that German should no longer be taught in Greek schools. This is what he says-

“The German language, for the past 20 years, has unreasonably been promoted and supported by the Greek state to an excessive degree in relation to others, equally if not more important languages at a global level such as Spanish, Russian, Arabic and Italian,” he writes.

“We must not continually complain of the burgeoning of one member state of the EU when we ourselves, without it being imposed on us, make the choice to support the transmission of the language, the culture, and the traditions of a people, who in general lines, have been proven to systematically harm our country and have opposed our legal sovereign rights.”

Parallels

This is a man who represents the equivalent party in Greece to what UKIP stands for in the UK, the Conservative Independent Greeks, or ANEL (remember the correct vowel here). He is a bully who takes swipes at whoever he thinks his audience might enjoy seeing done down. He plays deliberately to the crowd and does not think of the consequences of what he says.

Bullies

Like all bullies, when he goes too far, he is the first to cry foul. In October 2014, days after having upset the Minister for transport, (who defiantly said he was not a “wuss” and would not be so “threatened”), Nikoloupoulos sought public solace by claiming himself to have been threatened in an SMS that someone would cut off his leg with a chainsaw. So far, he appears to still have both legs.

And so far, regrettably, this nasty man remains part of the committee that oversees the detailed bailout terms and what to do with bad debt. The only positive thing is that Nikolopoulos’ position in the Greek Government is tenuous because of Syriza’s contempt for his homophobic attack last yera on Xavier Bettel. Accordingly, while he remains the leader of ANEL, it is Panagiotis Sgouridis who got the Cabinet position as Vice Minister for Production Reconstruction, Environment and Energy.

Just a final point- while the Prime Minister and cabinet from Syriza were sworn in during a civil ceremony, the ANEL members insisted on the traditional religious ceremony which I know well from visiting the office of a ridiculous Pasok MP who had offered to see me, and when she realised who I was, pretended to be her own secretary. Around the walls behind her were dozens of photos of the religious ceremony that marked the beginning of a Greek parliament and there she was in picture after picture, fingers poised in the sign of the cross, very pleased with herself.

Religious imagery is not going to whitewash rogues. She should have known that and so should the people in ANEL. Poor Greece.

The older story about the Homophobic tweet -2014

an ANEL MP, Nikos Nikolopoulos, has tweeted a nasty message about the Prime Minister of Luxembourg who has just announced his plans to marry his gay partner. The twit or tweet seems fairly innocuous in English: “From the Europe of nations, to the Europe of queers. The Prime minister of Luxembourg has been engaged with his special one!” In Greek however, “Από την Ευρώπη των εθνών στην Ευρώπη των πουσταριών. Ο πρωθυπουργός του Λοξεμβούργου αρραβωνιάστηκε τον αγαπημένο του!” The word “των πουσταριών” is particularly offensive, a derivative of the word, Pousti, street-language in Greek for “gay”.

The Prime Minister somehow heard of this tweet but, though he had studied maritime law and religion in Thessaloniki, did not speak enough Greek to know what was being said and contacted the MP, “Hello, I heard you want to tell me something, but I don’t speak Greek. Sorry” – now for the juicy bit that exposes the full rump of this silly man, Nikolopoulos. He said the message had been written by Kyriakos Tobras. He then modified his original tweet. What a twit!

Here are the two tweets. The understated graciousness of the second is such a contrast to the nastiness of the first.

Here is Nikolopoulos’s replacement twit (it is almost as bad but does not sound as “chavish” perhaps):

My own experience in Greece

I remember when I tried to register as self-employed in Athens back in 2001. I had been working for a company called Grivas which refused to pay me until I changed my employment status. Apparently, it was then impossible to do more than one particular type of job for any single company, and Grivas had me writing editorial, illustrating and recording vocals for their various English teaching materials, their decision, not mine. It was a horrible experience and a week of going from office to office in the then-labyrinthine bureaucracy was soul-destroyed. On the final day, with minutes to go before the tax office shut, I was asked for yet another pointless bit of paper. I am afraid I began to cry. At this point, the thug of a tax-manager started to assail me in Greek from across the room, saying that all english were “pousti”, and then listing (improbably but I remember this precisely) Thatcher, Blair, Clinton, as examples of gays in public office. This was about the time of the Monica Lewinsky affair. Incidentally, I knew that the man was the boss because he was overweight and had nothing on his desk save for a cup of coffee and a glass of water. Also, I knew enough Greek to understand what he meant, but I turned to the official next to me whose desk was heaving beneath paperwork and asked him what the word “pousti” might mean. “For example,” I added in my best Greek and as loudly as I could. “is that nice gentleman there who has so much to say about the english, also a pousti?” It shut the man up, and I got my papers quite quickly. I cannot recall if Grivas ever paid me what they owed. Probably not. Some of the other people working there seemed to have been driven to insanity and visits to an asylum in Dafni; others attempted suicide, taking a kitchen knife to their wrists. I know. I had to call the ambulance! It was tough living in Greece back then! But also rather exciting.

I think I had found myself in the “wrong crowd”. There is certainly a “right crowd” in Greece. There was then and there clearly is now, and that crowd would wholly condemn Mr Nikolopoulos and all his fascist cronies, clerical and lay. I am very proud that I made good friends in Greece and that we remain in contact. Like me, they believe passionately that the “wrong crowd” is firmly on the way out, but like cockroaches, that wrong crowd takes its time going.

Here is a picture that was printed in the Greek newspaper eleftherotypia at the time- It shows what I looked like then!! (the article is about the shows that were on in the West End, and the closure of “Cats”)

I think Greece has changed

I had hoped that institutionalised homophobia was a thing of the past in Greece, but apparently not. It is a shame. The younger generation of Greeks, among whom I count many good friends, are shocked by the story of Niko Nikolopoulos. But he is a dinosaur and they need to make sure his political career is rendered extinct as soon as practically possible. I have a small cartoon for this story which I will post later: my computer is in general melt-down as I write this!

Meanwhile, my hearty congratulations to the Prime Minister Xavier Bettel and his partner, Destenay Gauthier who are to be married on January 1st. He is not the first openly gay Prime Minister in Europe. Iceland’s Johanna Siguroardottir and Belgium’s Elio Di Ruppo beat him to this!

A cartoon I did at the time

I think my computer is reeling from the absurdity of this story: Niko (Νίκος Νικολόπουλος) wrote something nasty about Xavier (Ξαβιέ Μπετέλ) and then said that it was really written by his friend Kiriakos Tobras (Κυριάκος Τόμπρας). This is all about a particular group of powerful men in Greece who are running around saying something like Δεν δέχομαι να προσχωρήσω στη λογική της γκέι ατζέντας (“I do not believe I have to accept the European Gay agenda”). This is a country which was eager to join the European club and when I was there, the EU Commission in Greece got me to illustrate one of the more absurd books I ever put my name to: “You are in Europe- Learn about Europe!” Some people, like Nikolopoulos evidently did not learn very much.

Europe has a liberal social image that promotes equality, friendship and assistance with better-off parts of the continent helping the less-successful parts. I know Europe as it stands has problems but it still remains a great ideal and was always clear about these aims even if federalism has crept in through some unwatched back door. I don’t really understand how a country like Greece which still boasts an island called Lesbos, and celebrates the history of Alexander the Great as well as the writings of Plato can possibly allow anyone to be championing such a ridiculous cause as this “we think there is a gay agenda” thing, especially when promoted in part by Churchmen who are civil servants*, that is, funded by the State. Truth is, of course, all this shouting and “tweeting” is done by only a minority of silly men with a complex, stirred up by a pile of pernicious priests. All of them should have better things to do. And, moreover, this story demonstrates how feeble these men can be: even when they are caught out, they are not honest enough to admit what they have done, or take proper responsibility for their own actions.

Religion

This is what Nikolopoulos is doing this afternoon. He is in Patras surrounded by Churchmen, so my cartoon (which drew links between him and the Archbishop of Thessaloniki) seems all the more pertinent.

*much needs to be said about the problems of having a “State church” especially when it thinks it has a right to vocalise about modern issues. I will write more on this!!

Modern Greece is not homophobic

Oh, and just to emphasise that modern Greece does not endorse this horrid racist thug, here are some responses from the days following the twitter incident:

Stefanos Livos said: “Not all Greeks are … morons like @NikNikolopoulos”.

Greek Deputy Foreign Minister, Dmitris Kourkoulas, tweeted: “@Xavier_Bettel Dear PM,thanks for helping us unveiling the dirty face of some of our ‘politicians’.”

Bettel himself replied by saying: “Relations between GR & LUX and with @PrimeministerGR are perfect and won’t be affected by the comments of an isolated politician”.

Nikolopoulos has spent much of the last year combatting a draft anti-hate law which will make the sort of attacks against homosexuality, that have been spearheaded by Golden Dawn, illegal.

More from “spiderman”

It was so nice to see you for our light lunch today of potted crab, capers and quail egg with a selection of home-grown organic produce garnished with slices of fresh venison, shot on our estate in Scotland and followed by toasted goats’ cheese, milked, churned and set under supervision by my wife, and I thought that, before you go, I should write a few words to clarify what we have discussed. I mentioned to you the anxieties that have developed around the increasing incidence of red hair, both in my own family and more generally around our United Kingdom. There seems no doubt that this is a matter that will undoubtedly require governmental action at some time in the fairly immediate future: my own instinct is that it is acceptable in Scotland, but should really be kept there.

I also agree that while this was once something we could probably cover up, with today’s wayward youth the carpet is as clear as the curtains. God preserve us from the Tinder you described so eloquently! But what (or who) is Snapchat? or Grindr? I remain at a loss.

It is probably too late, as you pointed out, to institute compulsory blood tests to trace the ginger gene to its inevitable source, but, in the meantime, I like your suggestion that, in the meantime, we should show greater support for red-heads of all description. To this end, might I suggest that my former sister in law should represent our country abroad as Ambassador of the Scilly Isles. It would be important to ensure that she receives the proper equerries and staff – do make sure you check out their feet. (Fergie seems to have a thing about people’s feet.) And do make sure she receives proper guidance, almost on a minute by minute basis because she is inclined to go rapidly off-message.

I do not wish to press the point about our family, but it seems that Chancellor Merkel is warming to the idea of restoring the hereditary monarchy in Germany and I would be keen that Britain is fully represented in such an effort. Might I put myself forward as a possible candidate in the absence of any foreseeable employment? It would be like a homecoming of sorts for my family and a tremendous aid to your undoubted efforts to keep Britain in the EU if we could also, at the same time force our own dynastic links across the continent. You might be aware that my father also has strong ties to Greece and might be prevailed upon to solve the current economic crisis with a few well-chosen words.

Regarding your suggestion that Jeremy Clarkson should take over as our man in Argentina, I am afraid, on reflection, that I have never heard of Jeremy Clarkson, or of his erstwhile programme, “Top Geer” which you mentioned with affection – might this be one of those travelogues about journeys through the EU? Was Michael Palin not available perhaps when the series began? But I am afraid I am a loss as to what even the mighty Mr Clarkson might have had to say about Greer. It is a dull place in Liege somewhere up the river Jeker. I am certainly impressed he has managed to talk about this for 10 years. It gives fuel for thought and suggests he is a man of astounding talent to have made so much of so little. As for Argentina! Of course, I know of Argentina! I went there in the late 90’s and my younger brother regales us often with his deeds of aeronautical daring-do as does my son, and if the said Clarkson might help to quieten down any further attacks on our diminished territories in the Southern Hemisphere, so much the better. Did you enjoy the cranberries? They are from our own garden, and I knew each personally – each almost as a thought in the mind of God. They are plumper because they grew with affection.

The black spider strikes again

A while ago, I did a book cover for a Greek friend who wrote about his experiences as a student here in the UK. It was an opportunity to do some political cartoons.

Recent letters have been published that make me think that it is time for a new incarnation of “Spiderman” to start penning letters to the Prime Minister. Maybe the Guardian will have another go at exposing them to the daylight – or maybe I will cash in on it first: I think there might be a book in it. Of course there would be the serious issues to write about like the preservation of the water rat, the extermination of american (signal) crayfish, the removal of the grey squirrel, the rose ringed parakeet, and the american mink or maybe just the establishment of a concentration camp for unwanted migrant lifeforms from our former colonies-

There are reports of the Signal Crayfish advancing towards our Nuclear deterrent, Prime Minister. On the way, they eat fish eggs and destroy river banks. I myself found an infestation someway up the River Kelvin. The Crayfish is a more serious threat to Scotland than any referendum, Prime Minister. They have already taken over Dumfries and Galloway, all the Borders, Fife and are advancing towards Grampian, Tayside and Lothian. By the time of the next election, they will have completely taken over Scottish waters.

It would be foolish, Prime Minister, to overlook all these predatory species- the crayfish carries a worrying plague, the grey squirrel has the pox and the Rose-ringed parakeet makes a devil of a noise in Regents’ park, a place I know well. I gather that some animals were purposely introduced here from the Americas, like the Coypus, and were almost eradicated in a purge on foreigners probably championed by some sort of Nascent UKIP army in the late 1980’s, but you can’t keep these migrants out. I have heard of Coypu as far north as Durham now. Like the badger, the Coypu must be culled. (The badger is native- so “culled, not wiped out”, please, Prime Minister)

We have had some successful immigrations of course. Our native islands have always welcomed industrious species. The domestic cat has adapted well, as have rabbits which provide much needed fast food for our native birds of prey and I do not forget the nourishing dormouse all of which animals, I believe, came here with Julius Caesar so it would also be churlish to call them foreign after so long. They are almost British. In the same way, I salute the golden Pheasant, essential for fly fishing, and the red-legged partridge both of which have graced our table. I draw the line at the Ruddy Duck, another American import, and the American bullfrog. While I wrestle with Giant hogweed and Canadian pond weed- a necessity of the former Empire, I have also come across American Willow herb and Japanese knotweed. There is even something seriously misnamed the “Oxford” ragwort. This little squalid seed came from Sicily and should have stayed there. It seethes with threats to the rest of my garden. Just when I think it has gone, it springs up again behind me like some diabolical manifestation.

I would not want to sound prejudiced, Prime Minister, because some foreign plants, like the red-squirrel nurturing conifer and the buddleia, beloved of our butterflies, have been particularly valuable in protecting and promoting our native wildlife. There’s the glorious rhododendron, whose ancestors, like mine, are a bit Greek. Its foliage and roots encourage the activities of rodents in our garden, despite what the naysayers in the Forestry Commission who have argued so unconvincingly (in my opinion) about its effect on ecodiversity. Apparently, its thick leaves snub out the chance for competing shrubs, but that’s why we have garden shears, eh, PM?

I think it is time that we championed our own British wildlife, and our own particular personal rodents. The corgi, for instance, is a breed of Welsh dog that I am surprised to find is almost unknown outside Royal circles. This should be challenged and we should institute a corgi-breeding programme across the islands. Maybe we can place a statutory limit on canine leg-length to encourage a healthy breeding programme?

It has struck me of late that I might also write about more vacuous things like whether I should pay proper taxes, how much popularity my doing so might engender. Is it legitimate for me to marry my long-term partner? Would the public accept such a move? And so on. Or maybe I have already done all that and more. Who will ever know now? Future correspondence will be more circumspect and more tightly controlled. Prime Minister, we need a proper privacy bill.

Finally, forgive me for being blunt, Prime Minister, but I was having dinner last night with (redacted name) who asked me to see what could be done about championing the David Brown tractor for export to Chinese landfill sites? It’s such a nice little machine and well-suited to serious work. There we are, I said I’d raise the issue and I have.

The Presbyterian Church of Scotland goes multicolour

In the 1970s, I studied Theology in St Andrews. I then went on to Oxford and did pretty much the same thing there. It is interesting, therefore, to see that the Kirk is now poised to accept gay clergy. I think this is a great step forward but it is also a step I could not possibly have imagined happening back in the 70s. Then, this austere, and rather imposing Church was also quite censorious and puritantical about homosexuality.

In those days, there were three oddly named prelates of distinction in St Andrews- Principal Black who ruled the St Mary’s college, Cardinal Gray and the moderator of the Church of Scotland, also called Gray. There was someone called White. In other words, we lived a monochromatic life in the Divinity faculty, as the messenger would have whined in “A matter of Life and Death” devoid of technicolour.

History

The process of acceptance has taken about 20 years, beginning in the 1990s with the commissioning of two documents to the Board of Social Responsibility. This led to the formation of some panels, one of which reported back unanimously confirming that gay marriage was not sinful. This in turn, not without some popular dissent, led to a decision to allow same sex religious blessings and later to admit to the clergy those who were in same sex relationships – but there was a fudge. Rather like the marriage of Orthodox clergy, the partnership needed to predate the ordination. Today, that fudge will be gone! Things are more progressive in the States, of course. Which makes me wonder why anyone would think that God’s law should be so limited geographically. Either something is wrong or it is right. And we surely cannot be “in communion” with people who are doing something wrong. As (with some mild exceptions in the US which I will come to) the Church of Scotland has not fractured at the agreed advances in social reform, it makes sense that the Scottish mother-church should hurry up and assent lest the whole thing crumble. The same might be said of the Church of England. What is right in America cannot be wrong in England – when it comes to basic morality in the church. This is not a traffic rule and we are not discussing whether to drive on the left or the right.

Exceptions

Now, I mentioned exceptions and these are important- the associate church, the “presbyterian church in America” and the Orthodox presyberian church have all condemned any acceptance of same sex relationships or of gay clergy. The Presbyterian Church of Aotearoa in New Zealand confirms that “marriage is between a man and a woman” as does the Presbyterian Church in Brazil, and in Mexico. More worryingly, there is an organisation sponsored by some of these churches called “OnebyOne” which seems to still advocate aversion therapy.

Politics

While we in the UK, therefore, get into a flap about widening the State definition of marriage, it is remarkable and encouraging that some of the Churches are looking at the religious options available, and have been doing so for some time. Personally, I think the legal definition of Same-sex marriage still has a long way to go, but contrary to the anxiety of some MPs who saw fit to “quote scripture” out of context, this should be an issue about equality and not about religion.

Quotas

Yesterday, there was a statement in the media that the UK parliament has more LGBT MPs than any other Political assembly. Many new SNP members are openly gay. But the UK establishment has long recognised that homosexuality is no bar to high office. If the rumours put out by a member of Monty Python are to be believed, and I suspect they are true, then certainly one of our former Prime Ministers was gay.

The presbyterian Church today is advancing the gay debate and setting forward a framework whereby, when the law comes back to the House of Commons in a few years’ time, as no doubt it must, no one dare stand up and make reference to a so-called prohibition in Leviticus or what they think Jesus might have meant. The religious bit of this debate is over.

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